Harry Potter! :(

There are days when I think that my life will be over when something like Harry Potter ends.

Then there are days—usually the same ones—when I realize that Harry Potter, while majorly awesome the journey was, needed to end (just like Lost, lol :P). For the record, I was never a die-hard fan like so many people. My mom read the first book to me many years ago and I hardly remember any of it. She even started reading the second one to me but I remember falling asleep while she was reading once, and she never read it to me again. Nor did I start reading it myself.

And I don’t want to. Not right now, at least. I have a pride problem and I pride myself on not being a die hard fan of any books. I also am proud of the fact that I haven’t read the books. Basically, I will not conform. The Harry Potter culture is so exclusive and I hate when people are exclusive. So after the hype dies down a lot—maybe in the coming years—I’ll consider reading it so that I know the reason I’m reading it is because I want to read it, not because someone else wants me to read it or because I want to fit in.

If I feel like someone or something wants me to fit in or I feel like I have to fit in in order to be accepted, then something is wrong. No one should feel like who they are isn’t good enough. Don’t get me wrong, everyone struggles with judgment, especially me, but I think because I know it’s something I struggle with, I’m the best at calling myself out and correcting the attitude. I’ll say it again: no one should feel like who they are, what they think, what they feel, what they believe, isn’t good enough for others.

That’s why it irritates me so much when my family acts like that. When they say things about others and make decisions based on prejudices and preconceived notions, I get upset because I think, “Well how do you think that makes the other people feel? Do you even consider what your actions are saying to those people?” Obviously not. I wish more people were considerate, more attentive to the details in their own lives so they could see what it’s doing to others.

Maybe that’s why I’m so upset and frustrated and on edge all the time—maybe being so attentive is not so good. I’m always worried about what I’m saying—how I’m saying it—and how other people are taking it in. I’m always correcting myself and making sure I’m very clear as to how I feel but without hurting someone else or confusing them. I am so keen about these things that when the tables are turned, I’m the one that gets hurt and I wonder why no one else thinks like I do. No one else does.

I’m so serious. No one else.

I went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk yesterday with Kim and Cody. Cody and I have a weird history but it’s definitely not awkward between me and him anymore nor is it uncomfortable to hang out with him. I hardly ever think about my time with him. But Kim and Cody have really weird history, especially on Kim’s side. She has been into him since I was into him but the difference between me and her is that I’m over it, especially since he claims that he’s gay. Secondly! She has a boyfriend and she continues to flirt with him and spend intimate time with him.

It boggles my mind how strange and wrong her behavior is. I have yet to confront her. I don’t really know how but I think I can do it. I don’t know if I really should but when it comes to times like yesterday when I am put into the environment where I am being pushed (literally) out of the way so that she can be near someone that is so not interested in her, I need to say something. It’s for my own emotional health and my own mental stability.

That’s something that I’m learning to do now, too—standing up for myself and stopping the madness before it drives me mad. That’s a new term I’ve developed from 72 hours of Harry Potter madness—there it is again. Ha!